before i continue my thots (from yesterday's blog), i shall blog on my daily happening first.
about the day...
this morning i didn't prepare the breakfast, not as usual. mother cooked fried rice with fried and crispy anchovies. i barely touched the fried rice, instead, been munching quarter bowl of the anchovies. hmmm taste like keropok (sort of snack)!
spent the afternoon with mother, watching the telly. today was the Malaysia formation anniversary. there was a minor coverage on the historic event at TV3, then mother started talking about the Japanese and the Communist occupation before Malaysia's independance. actually it was her mother (my granny) real life story during the time. during the communist occupation, all the villagers had to hide in the jungle. granny, and other villagers had encountered the 'flying bullets' tension. they all were lying on the ground while bullets shot were flying right above them. i guess, with Allah's grace, my granny survived, and well, i'm here typing the blog. if the story is the other way round.. err...
then during the japanese occupation, they were hiding in the big house of the village's chief. (he was tan sri yahya's (one of previous Pahang's Menteri Besar) late father). again, with Allah's grace, they survived that scary time, all the children miracolously quite and very obedient. there were no light turned on, as the light might attract those japs. during that time also, they have to hid the rice and other food supplies in the bushes, as those japs would take any supplies mercilessly from the villagers.
come to think of it, i am so grateful that i was born after the independance, i am lucky to live a free life. yet, different challanges are faced by nowadays generation. we might be free physically, but i doubt we are actually free spiritually, or in terms of ourselves as a human. we are mere followers of materialism. we, malaysian, live in life where money is the key to everything! as i remember, an extract from afdlin shauki's first movies, 'nak buang air pun kena bayar' (even to pee, you have to pay).
(ok, now i continue my previous thots)
about resetting the mindset (continued)
after about one month i finished my study, i was offered a job as a product safety engineer in an big established MNC in selangor. thinking (and made by others to think) that i was very fortunate, i straight away accept the job. though, it was not easy, out of 20 candidates from the first interviews, we were shorlisted after the aptitude test to 12 candidates, and after second interviews, only four were recruited as their management trainee, including me.
the first three months was quite a honeymoon, then right after the confirmation, guess what, all hell let loose lah. ahahah actually not that bad. the job was quite okay, except that, after almost two years, in fall into routines, and the same things repeated again and again. (well, can you see how fed up was i?) i see no advancement in terms of the tasks and responsibilities, as we were the r&d site for CRT TV, although different chassis came out about twice a year, but it was actually really they change bit there and bit here. they still don't trust us with the LCD designing yet, they surely wanted to control the most profitable product themself.
so, back to my thots, up till the last days of my job in that MNC, i was driven with material results, with accomplishment in terms of materials and profit. day in, day out, all that matter is the result. everything must be above target, while the cost and the pays, never pass the min threshold!
during my rehabilatation time now, i've done much thinking, about life, purpose of life, about myself. even though i dun get the zen state yet, (ha ha) i have reassessed and concluded few things.
- we care about material more than we care about people.
- we put illogical target on ourself, and push ourself exceeding the limit that ourself, spirit, physical etc can bestow.
- no wonder malaysian now are so obsessed with entertainment all the time, i guess, we are letting out the depression through the entertainment channel.
- and no wonder i was depressed!
i belief, as Islam thought me, our fitrah, is to live life harmoniously with everyone, everything around us. dun care whether you're a moslem or not. everybody got their specific rights. everybody longs for peace among us, and inside us. the contentment. and let me assure you and myself, as long that we are the servant of material's, so obsess with material, we won't reach the contentment. why? because, materials are overrated. their technology were developed exponentionally over time. comparing to our humane's rate (in terms of, physical, strenght, everything in our self), we will never compete with the advancement.
take handphone as example, nowadays, handphone is no longer a mere handphone. it is an organizer, a camera, a handheld computer! some people are so obssess with changing thier handphone when every new tech introduced. some i guess, maybe give up already.
see, if we take material as our fulfilment criteria, we will never be fulfilled. there's more to life than just gathering fancy and expensive materials. there is. i know about this long time ago. but i forgot already, as i was fooled into being the followers. the material's followers.
i see my depression last time, as the wake up call for me to reassess my life. to actually set what matter in my life. i may be dun have the full solution yet for myself, but life is a journey of searching and learning. i'll be picking up all the attributes that will guide me to the contentment, fulfilled state of mind and heart.
oh btw, my handphone is used only for calls and sms. ;)
